Am I depressed or just in a state of confusion and uncertainty? Who Knows? All that I do know is that this past week my minds been racing faster then the speed of light. To put things simply, where am I going? What does life have in store for me? I’d like to tell you I had an answer for it all but the truth of the matter is that I don’t. We all go through this phase in life I suppose but for some reason I feel as though mines the worst case. Being a media arts major, I get asked the same question over and over again, “What are you going to do with that?”. Obviously this gets very redundant and pretty much “pisses” me off since I lack a better word. The truth is sometimes I don’t fucking know to all you who ask. All that I do know is that I’m very passionate about what I do; Songwriting, Filmmaking, Photography etc. and I’ve never been one to start something and never finish. God is on my side and I know that throughout the rest of my life if he’s with me, I’ll get there eventually. I have a big heart and a driven personality that I’m told will get me very far in this life if I stick with it.
I never fit it with the normal route to life. Didn’t want the same job as everyone else, have never always been concerned with having a significant other, recurrently never pondered on how much money I was going to make. All I really thought about was “Am I going to be happy with the job I have in the future if I don’t love it?”. I chose to head down a path to somewhere I was going to wanna stay permanently instead of being mobile forever and faking a smile to anyone that crossed my path. It’s funny to me, you see, how we have all these lessons to learn in life and these movies, these songs and other media outlets try and tell us these inspirational stories about seizing the day, never taking for granted the ones you love, get back up when we fall down, and even other topics but we still just overlook them, think about it in the moment its speaking to us and then just forget about it the next day. Were all guilty of this because were human but most of us just don’t care enough to make a change with ourselves either because #1 were too prideful, or #2 we choose to sweep any kind of emotion we have out with the rest of the trash we hide from everyone else because quite frankly, it’s too damn dirty.
Leads me to another topic I also wanna discuss. Society at best, has always focused on the most shallowest of things. How perfect one looks in appearance, how well paid their job is, what drugs they do, how much sex they’re having, or even that because you’re single that you most be a pretty lonely bastard because you probably go home at night depressed out of your mind. You know what I say? I say that’s a bunch of bullshit. I have my days where I’m sad, think too much and yes, even cry (not ashamed) but I think all around I’m a very happy person. Happy simply to just breathe and be surrounded with true love from my friends and dear family. I’ve found the meaning of true love and it’s been through non romantic relationships. I’ve found a love that’s never ending, one that loves me without ever expecting things always given back. I have found love from people who just quite frankly claim me as their own. Hear me when I say that because I’ve found this love, I’ll never be alone. A beautiful woman is in my future, I know this to be true. God’s preparing her for me and me for her. Timing is literally everything in life and I know that if It’s coming from him, it will be well worth the wait. Until then I have enough love in my life to carry me through anything that comes my way, without question. Writing my music is the greatest love of my life. It saves me everyday. I have been working on my music with my best friends for the past year and it’s all coming together smoothly. I’ve never been so proud of something in my life and it’s everything I’ve been dealing with for the last two years.
All in all I’m thankful. Even though I’m uncertain of my future and often question things, I know all too well that things will fall into place. From here on out as I always do I’m gonna live my life to the fullest so that one day people will talk about the incredible legacy I left behind. I will live you with this. A powerful and uplifting song by one of my favorite bands called “I Lived”. The music video is powerful as well as the lyrics that Ryan Tedder sings. When I’m feeling down I always listen to this song and it makes me snap out of any state of sadness I’m in. I love my life and the people in it, thankful to God I have the chance to breathe and taste every bit of life that I can.
@marcbroussard totally blew my mind tonight, was a dream come true seeing one of my biggest inspirations live tonight front row! Such a phenomenal voice, love you man, keep making phenomenal music, I’ll always support you no matter what! #MarcBroussard #MusicFarm #ColumbiaSC #Music #Singer #Songwriter #Artist #Talented #NoOther #AmazingNight #SundayFunday #Love #Jam #Concert
Not only is this one of my favorite songs in existence, it’s also exactly how I’ve felt lately #Lorde #Ribs #Music #Lyrics #Poetry #Relatable #GrowingUp #Old #Sad #Bittersweet #Memories
ED SHEERAN!!! #Drinks #EdSheeran #Multiply #Music #Concerts #Charlotte
Favoritism. It happens everyday. We hide it sometimes like it doesn’t hurt but the reality of it is, that it does. My whole life I’ve strived to be the best person I can be. I work hard at anything I did, hold my tongue when necessary and help others in need at any cost.
I just hate when others favorite other people over me without a fair chance. I’m an outgoing person, I stick up for myself whenever others try and bring me down. I feel kinda downgraded right now, I feel like I’m not appreciated, like everything I’ve worked for was completely overlooked. Like somehow I just don’t matter, that I’m just another person that clocks in and leaves. All this time I thought I was doing things right, confident that I was giving my best work on a daily basis, apparently I was wrong. I’ve just lost the will to care anymore about things like that.
I kind of realized that all the great things, hard work and never-ending love we give will often be overlooked. At the end of the day GOD will never overlook anything we do. He loves ME for all I’ve done and he is the ONLY one at the end of the day who cares what I do and cares about just me in general. I dont really care whoever else recognizes it.
There’s a 1000 lessons to learn in life and each day is a new one to receive. I guess after stepping away from writing for a while and watching the movie tonight it kinda changes my perspective on things. We shouldn’t care if we’ll ever get recognition for all the good things we do, because the truth is that we should only do them to please God, to love others and to just do for others for the joy of it, anything in our lives we have to work hard for, for as long as I live the rest of my life I’m going to strive to make a difference in the world, without expecting a single thing or being recognized for it, I just want to change the world for the better is that so bad? “When The Game Stands Tall” taught me so much about brotherhood, love and the fight to keep on going even we get knocked down. So inspirational.
I’ll leave you with this.
"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”
I won’t give up, I will forgive and I will once and for all let go of ALL my expectations, I’ll be completely free from here on out.